Ahoy hoy! So has it been a week already? Probably two. I’ve given up trying to understand time. “Reality used to be a friend of mine”, so sang PM Dawn in the early 90’s. Time, on the other hand, (pun unintentional) used to be a friend of mine. But now, the old father is against me, stabbing me with his pointy hands and rubbing the sand from his hourglass into my gaping wounds. Caused by Father Time in the first place I might add. The evil, sadistic maniac!

I think back to when I was 16. I was studying for my A levels. I had a part time job, a full time girlfriend and full time drinking and clubbing obligations. Yet I still found time to learn how to make primitive dance music on the most basic of equipment, do mixtapes, follow the scene, buy records and all that jazz. There was Brazilian music, and Detroit Techno, not to mention all the classic breaks. I had so much musical learning ahead of me it should have scared me into realising I would never know it all, and be taught to do something useful instead. like plumbing. Even learning how to fish would be more useful than what I know now. But I’m staunchly against that sort of thing, what with being a vegetarian and all.

Although this does pose a question. If the world was plunged into a Mad Max style post apocalyptical free for all, what good would all of us lot be, wandering around talking about Jazz Fusion? We’ d be surplus, that’s what, and killed. And veggies? Forget about it. Im also left handed, which probably includes me in another list of some sort of selective cleansing of pointless humans in a crisis situation. If it all goes boobs up, I’m shagged. End of.

But I think my point was, or is, that I used to achieve LOADS more when I was young. But do all young people? Who knows? And frankly, who cares? All I know is one thing I didn’t have then, something that will eat time and energy as quick as it will inform you of the train times, or remind you of the theme tune to Fraggle Rock. Yes. The Inter Web. The World Wildlife Net. You know what I mean. Without all it’s pointless dribble and countless other complete wastes of your time, you could be figuring out how the answers to some of the most important questions of modern times, or realising great physical and mental potentials. The internet is to blame for pretty much everything that’s going wrong in the world, in my opinion. Apart from famine. And flooding.

So the concept of Time and the internet are my mortal enemies. I am sure I am not alone in this creeping dread. As I hit 30 with all the inevitability of you hearing the phrase “credit crunch” about 300 times a day, im sure the awareness of much time having passed will resonate among many of you, or indeed may have done so already. But I think that if we all clubbed together, we can work out a lifestyle that doesn’t depend on us sitting in front of a screen all day, worrying about getting old.

So i suggest you email me with suggestions of a time when we aren’t too busy, then we can all get together and discuss it.

Blast.