As I sit here on a Tuesday afternoon in the gloomy haze of the British summer, I am watching The Deer Hunter on my hard disc recorder with the faint whistle of my washing machine in the background. As the need to do my blog looms like a gigantic mechanical Margaret Thatcher, I have started to take stock of some of the things I have seen this past week. Now, I know I have been going on about it for months. And now it has finally been and gone. What you may ask? The new M.Night Shayamalan film, maybe? No crumb-bum, The Garden Festival in Croatia.

I have realised a few things this week, one of them being how dark my mind is when I allow it. I have said some truly offensive and shocking things to men whilst enjoying the vibe and spirit of holiday relaxation. I love making small groups of people I am comfortable with laugh, and I love laughing at other people. For the first few days I did this continually. My apartment was shared with Bobby Beige, of Momma Gravy/Pork Recordings fame, and then latterly Kid Bongo and El Harvo from the Bristol based Future Boogie crew. It wasn’t so much a Rave House, more of a dank pit of dark thoughts. The thing that made the biggest impression on Bobby and me as we walked through the door was the smell of grannies’ knickers. A fusty, damp charity shop honk that stuck to everything, except the bathroom, of course, which whiffed of warm urine, and the utility room with the washing that hummed of the inside of a packet of dry roasted peanuts. But we were happy to be in the most beautiful village on earth, Petrecane. In the daytime we would lie on the jetty in the baking sun, hoping to see a dolphin splashing around in the Adriatic, against a marvellous backdrop not dissimilar to a child’s drawing of the horizon. Of a night we would eat, drink, DJ and propose the most obscene juxtapositions imaginable. Shaving a cat. Raping a young male dolphin. Going into town and starting a fight with some street kids and then be back by midday. These are a few of the printable ones.

As The Deer Hunter progresses in the background, it dawns on me how we never know how we will feel in a situation until we are dealing with it. Those of us who have seen dark things rarely want to think of them again, yet somehow everything they see is tainted with a murky, smudged background. Sometimes you don’t need to have seen anything that bad, your spirit or your personality is naturally designed to be slightly wistful or contemplative. And even in the most gorgeous, sunny surroundings, fear and insecurity can dwell in ones’ soul. When the crowds of Brits came flooding in on the Friday, I wanted to hide like De Niro did when he finally returns from war. The crowds and abundant joy all seemed too much. I had exposed my inner self and felt comfy and relaxed, only to now become Domu the performer, walking around a 1970’s hotel with 2500 boozing, gurning and dancing lunatics. For the second year, I found a little space, had a little cry and got on with it.

My personal highlight was on Saturday night, after Liverpool’s No Fakin’ crew smashed it on the main stage. When most people had either shuffled off home or into the nightclub to continue raving, some of us from last year stayed outside to drink, chat and generally dick about. Just after all the blokes were roped in to help clear all the bottles and crap from the dance area, myself, Bobby Beige and Mr Scruff decided to create the world’s smallest nightclub in our shirts. We joined each mans left shirt side to the other mans right, creating a kind of tent, with the interior walls made of our sensual hairy torsos. We allowed the entry of Abigail and Sophie Wyles of The Mouse Outfit and tried to become the world’s first moving nightclub to try and enter another nightclub. Needless to stay, we were politely asked to move away from the doorway. But we didn’t stop there. We then persuaded any male in a button shirt to come and create the largest nightclub made of clothes ever created in Europe, possibly even the known universe.

I am yet to find out how The Deer Hunter ends. But I’m sure it won’t affect me too much. I have been on another little personal adventure, another spiritual rollercoaster ride that brings me closer to knowing more and more about myself. And letting out all that darkness and having so much fun with so many amazing people has left me feeling the most positive and high I have in a long time. And I wish the same to you all.